Let Me Go
by wolfpawn
Summary: Imagine Loki's friend being in love with him but only starts to pay attention to her when another friend Fandral is interested. She realises that is the only reason he is interested and it breaks her heart. Loki doesn't want her, but he doesn't want anyone else to have her.


**Runa means Secret Love in Nordic**

Work Text:

It was as cliched as it comes, falling in love with one's best friend, it was as though it was a stupid book, it was ulcer-inducing really. And to make matters worse, said best friend put the Prince, in Prince Charming. Prince Loki, second son of King Odin and younger brother of the loud boisterous and sometimes idiotic Prince Thor. Loki was more cunning, a trickster in every aspect and often dismissed as a foolish prankster, but he used that to his advantage, and how Runa adored watching him do it.

Her father was Odin's right-hand man, the General of his armies and a Grand Duke of the court, so essentially, she was raised alongside the royal princes. Thor paid her no heed in the earlier days; until the day Lady Sif came to the battle arena and defeated most any man in her wake, Thor thought girls pointless and boring, his opinion being that all they did is be girly and play dress up and tea as youths before developing into giddy social climbers. But Loki, he had decided she was someone worth talking to, and soon realised she was his unfaltering ally. Using her own wits and mind to assist him in his mischief, as well as her sex to get her out of trouble that he would have been more harshly punished for, should any have caught him. She took the blame for his actions more times than either could recall, without prompt and without request and in return, Loki had remained as loyal to her.

As they grew, lessons, duties and life happened around them, but they remained close. Loki spent  
time learning to fight, studying battles, magic, the histories and diplomacy. Runa was taught how to be a Duchess, poised, well read on all topics from politics to social issues, and Loki was her usual discussion partner, both enjoying having what they believed to be an equal in one another since so many in court seemed to be nigh on moronic. As they grew, Runa began to notice her feelings for Loki altered. She looked at him, noticing his handsome features, his strong jaw, his regal nose, his piercing eyes. She noticed how gentle he could make his touch if he elected to, or how he had grown strong yet lithe muscles from training. She felt a jolt in her stomach on seeing him, when he spoke to her, her breath caught for a moment in her chest when he touched her, and when he looked into her eyes, she would blink, terrified that he would realise that under it all, she had fallen in love with him.

"Brother, there you are, how about we spar?" Thor grinned on seeing Loki walking down the hallway.

"Are none of your band of merry fools free to entertain you this afternoon, or have they all realised it is like talking to a sack of horse manure?" Loki growled as he continued to walk.

"Hogun and Volstagg are with their families and Sif has gone to Vanaheim to see her parents."

"And what of Fandral, what poor wench is he sniffing after now?"

"I think he said he was after asking General Tyr for permission to court Lady Runa."

Loki's leg ceased immediately, his booted foot still in the air, and swung around to face Thor. "What?"

"You heard me well enough Loki." Thor dismissed. "You have no interest in her in that manner, you are practically family, why would you care?"

Loki said nothing for a moment, it was true, he had no interest in Runa in such a way, but if she were to be courted by Fandral, she would be wed to him, her father would permit it, because though Fandral was only the son of lowly Lord Michael, he had been proven in battle many times, including saving Tyr from an arrow to the chest, meaning Runa would become a part of Thor's grouping by marriage, and as it was not appropriate for him to be close to another man's wife, he would lose his friendship to her, something he did not want. "I will speak with you later." He said no more and walked off, thinking of ways to thwart such a pairing.

Runa was walking through the palace, thinking to herself. Her father spoke with her regarding Fandral's request, and she thought about it, it was not Loki, but Fandral was handsome and funny. He did not have hair as dark as night, and skin that reminded her of the moon within said dark night, he was more like the sun, golden hair, bright, but not as burly built as many Aesir men, something she found herself grateful for. He was the best she could ask for, young and jovial, many women in her position were not given such a luxury. She continued to contemplate the idea as she walked the halls, waiting to see if Loki would join her as he tried to many afternoons; when she saw him coming toward her, she gave him her friendliest and kindest smile. She would never have him, she knew that. He was oblivious to her feelings and did not seem to share them, so she could only try and move passed that, thinking that perhaps Fandral was her chance at happiness, her chance to rid herself of her feelings for her friend. "Hey Loki, what..." She was silenced when he leant down and kissed her cheek; when he took a step back again, she stared at him, almost terrified at his actions.

"The lunar solstice ball is tomorrow, come with me as my partner."

"I...What?"

"I wish for you to come to the ball tomorrow with me, as my partner, will you?" He rushed the words out.

Runa's mind found it hard to comprehend what he was saying to her. "I...I guess." She forced out, she had wanted such a thing for some time, but facing it, she was somewhat started. "Yes." "Wonderful," he gave a small smile, "Now, I have to go to the training grounds, my idiot brother is in need to a lesson in humility, I shall see you then." And with that, he turned and left, leaving  
her to try and comprehend what had just happened.

Runa just nodded silently, her mind still processing what had just happened. He was long gone when finally, it seemed to realise that Loki had asked for her to be seen with him publically in a manner that could only ever be seen as her being a potential partner for him. She shook slightly as a warm sensation of joy radiated out from her stomach and flooded her entire being before a smile graced her lips. To stop herself from bursting out in giggles of joy, she bit her lower lip and decided to go to the market and see if she could find anything to add to her dress to make her appear more suitable to the role she was going to take the following evening, beside Loki, as she had wished to have for a considerable time.

The following day, Runa spent longer than she ever had to ensure she was more done up and as close as was possible to perfect for Loki, her heart feeling as though it was flickering in her chest as she got into the carriage to head to the palace.

She noticed a few heads turn as she walked through the ballroom, many in awe as she made her way to the Warriors who were all present. "MiLady, you look like a vision, I thought for a moment we had died and gone to Valhalla." Fandral smiled, though there was a sadness in his features, if Runa had not been so taken with the fact she would see Loki soon, she may have noticed it.

"Thank you, have the princes arrived yet?" She smiled back.

"You just missed them, they went to speak in the side chamber, I am unsure as to what," Sif informed her.

"Which one of them dragged the other out?" Runa asked.

"Thor took Loki out."

"Then I think it is my duty to try and save him, Thor can be somewhat cantankerous when left at it." Runa bowed slightly as she walked to the chamber. At first she heard nothing, but finally, she heard them, just as she was going to announce herself.

"Why now Loki, you had centuries, why now?"

"I do not need to explain myself to you," Loki growled in retort.

"You never showed interest in her before."

"Why are you so concerned, did Fandral put you up to this?" Runa froze, they were clearly discussing her.

"No, I am doing this of my own accord, because I think it highly suspicious that you dismiss any interest in Lady Runa before I said to you yesterday that Fandral asked her father his consent to court her, and now as he goes to do so, you rush in and do this."

"All is fair in love and war, Thor."

"It is not only unfair to Fandral, who has been interested in her for over half a century, it is unfair on Runa, she deserves someone to care about her, not whatever game you are playing."

"There is no game, she is my greatest friend, who is to say I would not be happy with her?"

"Why do this if you are not romantically attracted to her Loki?" Thor asked, then something occurred to him. "Unless it is because Fandral is...that is it, you are only interested because Fandral is." Runa swallowed hard, Loki did not care for as she did him, Thor's comment seemed to make sense.

"I do not need to explain myself to you, Thor, it is not your concern." Loki reiterated. "Now, if you are finished sticking yourself into my business." He turned and exited the chambers, not seeing Runa as he did so. Sighing, Thor left a few moments later, shaking his head as he did so.

With both of them gone, Runa processed what she had just heard. Of course, it made perfect sense. Loki did not have feelings for her, he simply did not wish for others to show her interest, and she was nothing more than amusement to him, she felt foolish, she had been so blind to it all. She had been so engulfed with her feelings for him that she had failed to see he did not feel for her. Looking at the dress she was wearing, she felt herself become more embarrassed by her actions. By going to the extra effort, she had only added to her stupidity, and now everyone would see it. Schooling her best face of neutrality and indifference, she inhaled deeply and walked back into the main hall.

Music, laughter, talking and the sound of heels on the marble floor all assaulted her ears at once. Runa held her head high and made her way through the crowds, towards the large decorated doors at the back, wanting to flee it all, needing to get away from everything. She was certain in all the noise, which seemed all the louder in her current state, yet somehow blurred simultaneously, she could hear her name being called, but she ignores it and continued, finally weaving a way through the crowds and through the doors. She made it halfway down the hall when her suspicions were confirmed and she heard her name being called behind her, turning, she saw Fandral running to her.

"Are you leaving already?"

"Yes, I'm afraid that I am, I am not feeling all too good, so I think it wise I return home."

"Do you wish for me to get someone to accompany you?"

"No, I am quite alright, I need the time to think."

"If you need anything, ask a guard to come find me and I will assist you as best I can." He smiled. "I meant what I said earlier Runa, I had not thought it possible, but you look even more beautiful than I have ever seen you."

"Thank you Fandral, blue suits you." She gave a pathetic smile and walked off.

A couple of minutes later, she had made it to one of the avenues through the gardens of the palace and was in sight of the main gate when she felt the presence of another other than the Einherjar that silently stood protecting the palace. "There you are." Hearing his voice, she sped up. "Runa, what are you doing?"

"Leaving." She had turned her head to spit the word at him but continued walking forward. When she turned her head back forward again so to safely continue swiftly on, she crashed into his chest. Strong arms held her as she tried to wriggle out of his grasp. "Loki!"

"Why are you leaving?"

"I want to go home."

"Did someone upset you?" He pulled her back and looked at her face. "Just say who and I will make their life a misery."

Runa inhaled deeply and looked directly into his eyes, something she often found difficult when he gave her an intense look. "I went in search of you in the Hall."

"I never saw you."

"I know, I went into the side chamber to see if you needed rescuing from Thor being an idiot, but I witnessed something else instead." Loki looked at her confused. "Why did you ask me here to be by your side tonight Loki?"

"What?"

"You heard me well enough, to begin with, I did not stutter, why?"

"We are always by one another's side." He stated as though obvious.

"But you were never interested in us being so in this manner, were you?" She argued. "You only asked me because Thor told you about Fandral."

"You never seemed interested in Fandral."

"I was not overly so, no."

"Then why entertain the idea of him?"

"Why not? He is jovial, intelligent…"

"I fear we are not speaking of the same man."

"Look at my prospects Loki, I am realistic enough to see that in my position a young and jovial warrior is the best I could ask for, I am happy with that." She pointed out, "So why are you trying to thwart my chance at a good match?"

"I am not…"

"Look me in the eye and say that you asked me here tonight as your partner because you feel something for me because I am the one you wish to be with." She squared up to him, staring straight into his eyes. For a moment, Loki returned her stare, before he slumped slightly and looked away. His rejection, though she knew herself there was a great chance of it, hurt more than she could explain. "I knew it," her voice was small. "I was so stupid."

Loki frowned, "Why?"

Runa looked at him for a moment before a cold laugh escaped her lips. "You really never noticed, did you?" Loki remained looking at her blankly. "I cannot do this anymore Loki," She admitted, her tone one of defeat. "I knew it, in my heart, but I did not listen, my head would not listen," she stated. "You were never one to share, that's why you did it, right?" She looked at him again. Loki's eyes just darted side to side. "I never actually meant anything to you, but that did not mean I was permitted to mean something to someone else either."

"Runa, you are my best friend." Loki tried to explain.

"But only your friend." It was part question, part statement. "I don't want that Loki, so I think it is best if I take my leave now, perhaps when I have had some time away, we can be friends once more, but for now, I think it best we part ways." She gave him a sad grimace she had attempted to use as a smile and walked on.

"Wait, no, Runa, stop." he rushed in front of her, "You are abandoning me, you want to part ways? You mean so much to me."

"But not as you do to me." She stated.

"I do not understand."

Her patience finally wore too thin and she snapped back at him. "I have feelings for you Loki, feelings you do not reciprocate. And tonight, I made an utter fool of myself, I got myself thinking that perhaps you felt the same. You made it seem like you did, the kiss, your actions. But it was all a game to you. You did not want me, but when someone else showed interest, by Norn's was that not allowed. Am I to go through life not having anyone, because you will it so? What of you, are you allowed have someone? I bet you would get married and have her bear your child and still force it so I am alone, left wondering who could ever love me." She shrieked. "I did everything I could to contain my feelings, they were starting to wane slightly because I told myself again and again that you were not interested, but then you decided to play on them." Loki looked at her guiltily, not because of unintentional guilt, something she realised. "You knew," she stated lowly, he could not meet her gaze. "You knew I had fallen for you."

"I…"

"You used me, used my feelings to manipulate me." Her voice was filled with her pain.

"I…"

"I thought I made a fool of myself before, but this. Oh, Norn's," She put her hands to her face. "Oh Norn's."

"Runa." He extended his hand to her, but when she looked at it as though it poisonous, he withdrew it. "I…"

"I am such a fool." She stated solemnly. "I thought I was aiding you in your tricks, but all along, I was the one being tricked worst of all," Her voice toned monotone.

"What, Runa, no...I care for you, as my friend, I thought if we did nothing, if we kept our friendship going, you would…"

"Get over it?" She suggested. "You thought it a good idea to do that, then as soon as I get a way to get over you, to be happy, you used my emotions against me? You gave me that kiss knowing it would toy with my feelings, you did it specifically to hurt me."

"No, never, I…"

"You had no intentions of doing anything with me, just get Fandral off my trail and then leave me alone again, confused and hurt that is all you could ever have intended, so yes, you specifically tried to hurt me." She pointed out. "When I went into the Hall tonight, he complimented me, I did not realise it at the time, but he was sad, I did not realise, but now I see it, he wanted me to be there with him, but instead, I cast him aside for you, and when I heard you and Thor and made to leave, but he came again to check on me." Loki swallowed an emotion flicking across his face for a moment. "Really? Jealousy, you have no right to be jealous, you used me in a game to get one over on Thor and his friends. I mean it Loki, I cannot do this." She sidestepped and tried to continue on.

"Runa, no, I am sorry." Loki went to grab her arm.

"You think a sorry fixes this Loki? Using me? Manipulating me? Trying to put a stop to Fandral because you are scared I might have a good happy life?"

"It is not appropriate for you to be close friends with another man when you are married." He shouted. "I just wanted my friend."

"I wanted mine too, Loki, but you ruined it." She shrugged. "I am done. I am sure I will see you sooner or later." She turned and walked away.

"You will forgive me Runa, right?"

"I could have," She turned to look at him one last time, "Until you admitted to knowingly used my feelings against me. I can never trust you again Loki, I would be a fool to." She replied.

"Runa, no, please. I am sorry, please." He went to catch up to her, but felt himself being held in place, looking around, he saw that on a balcony above, his father, Runa's father and Thor were watching everything, having heard much, if not all of what had happened, and the manner in which Odin held Gungnir told him his father was using the magic staff to prevent him from going after Runa.

"Thank you Allfather," Tyr bowed slightly.

"Go tend to your daughter, my friend, I can wait for your return."

"Thank you," Tyr turned and left.

"He used her." Thor's voice was small. "I never thought…"

"Loki is going to be spending the next year in Alfheim, under the tutorage of King Nil, in that time, he will not be permitted home, or indeed any correspondence referencing Lady Runa, am I understood."

"Yes father, but on his return."

"He must master the art of remorse for what he has done to that girl."

"What of mother?"

"We do not tell her."

"Father?"

"If your mother found out that Loki used Runa's feelings against her, a year under the strict hand of Nil would seem such sweet tender love in comparison to what she would do to him," Odin explained.

"I do not follow."

"Your Uncle Edmund."

"Mother's brother, what of him?"

"He died before you were born, did your mother ever tell you of what?"

"No."

"A broken heart. He loved a woman who used his love to gain all she could, then, after he wed her, she came to carry a child, he was so elated, there were no words for it, no happier a man could be named, but then she birthed a child that could never have been his, and when she was confronted, said words so cruel that he faded away within a month. His heart ceased to work." Odin explained. "Your mother watched, she carried you at the time, and she mourned his death something terrible. To think, her son would do such a thing to another, it will crush her. We say nothing."

"Yes, father." Thor agreed.

"Loki's actions are cruel, they require remorse. But he is young, he will mature."

"And their friendship?"

"I cannot say."

"In your opinion?"

"Lady Runa may look like her mother, but she takes more after her father than her three brothers combined, and if Tyr Gregerson says something, he means it, I think her the same."

"So Loki has lost her."

"She may forgive him, but she will not forget, the Gregerson line never forgets."

Loki sat staring at the vast Alfheim landscape, the past year had been long, gruelling and lonely. Daily he wrote letters to Runa, apologising, pleading her forgiveness, but all that were sent, returned to him unopened. His brother refused to speak of her, so too did his father, and all communications with Frigga ceased after the second week when she went to Runa herself to demand what had occurred. The last letter from his mother that came to Loki after that cut him as deeply as Runa's dismissing him. He waited for Thor to return, to tell him his punishment was over, when the Bifrost opened and the blonde haired warrior came into view, Loki was almost happy to see him.

"Brother, I see Alfheim has suited you." Thor smiled. "How are you?"

"Fine, am I allowed home?"

"You are not a prisoner here Loki, you were always due to come here to further your studies, you are of course allowed home."

"How is Runa?"

"I am not at liberty to say."

"Thor, please."

"She received your letters, but she knew your hand script, she contemplated burning them, then thought it a waste of fire, Frederick suggested returning them to you." Loki nodded, of her brothers, Frederick, the eldest, was the most level headed. "He, Bjorn, and Trevyn all want your blood, but of course, you knew that would occur, she is their little sister. I think I have calmed them enough to not actually kill you, but be warned, should you find yourself in a combat training situation with them, I do not think they would be adverse to injuring you."

"But Runa?"

"She went to Vanaheim for a time, she seems to have like it there, I am not sure if she has returned yet or not."

"Did she speak of me before leaving?"

"No, she said nothing. I think she was still hurt by it all, but time heals most every wound Loki, who knows what the years to come will bring." Thor stated sagely.

Loki said no more, glad to see his servants had readied his belongings for the journey home. Asgard seemed almost cold to him on his return, there was nothing too great to excite him, on his arrival back to the palace, he was greeted by his father, who commended him for doing well in his studies, then he went to his mother, her disappointment was blatant, but so too was his remorse, and with a quick comment regarding learning valuable lessons, she embraced him as lovingly as she always did and spoke with him regarding his time in Alfheim and his education.

For three weeks, Loki was home and for three weeks he heard nothing of Runa. As predicted, Trevyn did go exceptionally rough on him in training, but after that one occasion, the youngest Tyrsson revealed to him that finally, Runa would return home, though he said it in warning. Loki promised to give her space but pleaded with the man to tell his sister that he was sorry, and would do anything to speak with her so to prove to her his remorse. Trevyn swore to relay the message, though he gave no promise she would listen.

He did not know what day Runa was arriving back, but he prepared what he was going to say, hoping she would listen. The next ball that took place was going to be one that, should she have returned, she would be present at. He readied himself for it nervously, knowing it could all go up in smoke should Runa decide to ignore him. As he walked into the hall, he felt as though a feeling of simultaneous dread and excitement filled him and he knew she was there. Looking around, he could not see her, feeling defeated he sat beside his mother, knowing that should she wish to speak with him, she would see him there. But for the duration of the feast and the festivities that followed, there was no sign of her. Tyr remained close to his father, giving the second prince more than his fair share of glares as he did so.

Defeated, he decided to leave early, he could not see Runa and clearly, she did not wish to speak with him. He had made it to the balcony off the ballroom and looked over the gardens.

"Did you ever feel guilty?"

Loki turned immediately. "Runa...you look…"

Runa's dress was clearly done to a Vanir style, more floral and pastel than the usually bright colours of the Aesir court, but it suited her and made her look extremely beautiful. She gave a small bow. "Thank you, your highness."

Loki swallowed at her distance. "I never stopped feeling guilty Runa, what I did…"

"That poor servant, every bloody day you had them deliver a message, that is cruelty on a level I was not aware you could lower yourself to. The Bifrost is an ordeal to travel by, and you had some poor servant travel it daily."

"It took Loki a moment to realise she was not referencing his actions against her. "I needed to speak with you."

"I needed to get away from you."

"How was Vanaheim?"

"Nice, Alfheim?"

"Lonely."

"I bet."

"I missed you Runa."

"Would not anyone, I am brilliant," Loki gave her a smile. "It is a pity you did not respect such."

"I am sorry Runa."

"I gathered."

"Can I ever make it up to you?"

"I do not think so," Loki exhaled in a manner that showed his heartache at her words. "But I am willing to begin speaking to you again if you wish to try and start anew."

He looked at her to see if she was just saying so to taunt him, but her face told him she meant it. "Yes, of course."

"Perhaps in time, we can grow to know one another again."

"It has only been a year Runa."

"A year changes things," she shrugged.

"Runa, your father, he...Loki." Fandral took a moment to realise who exactly was on the balcony.

"Fandral," Loki looked between them.

"What of my father?" She turned slightly to look at the other man.

"He has asked you to join him and your brothers."

"Well, I had best do so." she gave Loki a faint smile and a curtsey, "Perhaps we can exchange stories of our times on other realms some time Loki, I had always wished to see Alfheim, I would like to hear of it."

"I would like that, whenever suits you, please, have me sent for," Runa said no more and went inside. "Are you…?"

"Yes," Fandral stood tall. Loki swallowed and nodded slightly. "I do not care if she renews her friendship with you, she is a free woman, she can do as she pleases." He walked over to Loki, to whom he was a few inches shorter, but his stance showed his intent. "But if you ever hurt her like that again, if you use her like that again, if you toy with her like that again, I do not care if you are the son of the Allfather, his brother or his pet cockatoo, I will make you pay for hurting her."

"I am curious…"

"My mother is Vanir, I went there to see my maternal grandmother, only to bump into Runa, who was staying nearby, it was a month after she left here, being away from you, she was able to heal. I remained there with her until her return."

"I am sure the celebrations will be great for your announcement."

"Why do you think she has been called back inside?" Loki's stomach sank. "Let her be happy Loki."

"I would not take that from her."

"Good, in that case, you are, of course, welcome to join." Fandral bowed slightly then headed for the door once more.

"When you wed," Fandral paused, "If she remains my friend, I will not thread on your marriage, I would not dream of interfering with it, but please," Fandral turned to look at him, never having heard Loki plead for anything in his life. "Please let her remain able to be in my company."

"I will never do anything to manipulate or dictate her life to her." There was a venom in his words. "I was never as proficient in such as you are."

"Thank you."

"I hope you realise Loki, how greatly she cares for you."

"Cares?"

"If she despised you or were indifferent to you, she would not have entertained speaking with you for one moment out here, and you know that." Fandral pointed out before returning to the festivities.

Loki knew there was little chance of Runa seeing him as she had before, her closest confidante, anytime soon, but he had hope.


End file.
